Hi friends! When I started writing Mood Ring in June I hadn’t defined what I wanted this space to be. And I’m still experimenting with the type of writing I want to do here. These days I describe this newsletter as a digital diary. We’ve talked grief, anxiety, books, love, writing, games, and desserts. As September came to a close, I started wondering how I could create some sort of monthly coherency to this newsletter to help me navigate and narrow the wide range of topics that are on my mind. The four letters I’m sending you this month will be shorter in length and inspired by a shared theme. The idea is that they will feel loosely connected and a little poetic. You can always let me know what you think by hitting reply or leaving a comment.
And also, thank you, I’m grateful to all of you who read each week. Thank you for being here.
This is the first letter of our October theme: “Nights.”
In the narrowing dark hours, the night pours out my thoughts in a stream of golden strands. Memories. Insecurities. Daydreams. Fears. They offer golden glowing paths to my sleepless dead ends. How can I refuse? I choose a memory. I run on the strand like a sprinting time traveler. It leads me back somewhere sometime in the past and I arrive at us. Of course I’d come here. A younger me, a younger you, a rusty green truck, a crescent moon. We’re driving somewhere, our nocturnal love taking us on an adventure. I can’t pinpoint this memory. What night is this? It only feels familiar. Like a recurring dream. And I wonder if this memory I chose is simply an accumulation of many nights; a collection of passing lights on the highway; a remix of conversations; all the phases of the moon happening above us. I look over at you. I have the urge to reach out and run my fingers on the nape of your neck. And I give in. Your smile is soft, pleased. You’re telling a joke and I can’t hear you. This golden strand I followed is a silent movie. If only I could remember this specific night, but would I remember the punchline? When did my memories become bits of vibes and blurred starry skies? And I’m suddenly afraid, terrified, of ever losing our moments altogether. The stars reveal, one by one, my desires and my fears. What if I can’t remember that one movie we loved? What if I can’t remember the way your eyes squint, just slightly, when you tell me you love me? I want forever, but what is forever? Will I always know your laugh? When we inevitably come back home, I want to stay in our parked truck as if this vehicle is the thing keeping the stars and moon with us. And yet, I know you’re not only here in this memory. I run back up the golden strand, straight back to our present, and I wake you from your dreams. I ask you to look up at the moon with me. I ask you to grab something golden. And when you tell a joke, I listen hard. I commit it to memory. I ask the stars to keep this strand safe. For my next sleepless night.
With love,
Alyssa
Thank you for reading!
I send a Mood Ring letter out every Tuesday. Please forward it along to anyone you think would enjoy it. And if you’d like to check in with me: alysrochwrites@gmail.com.
Mood Reads
Andrea Long Chu asks “Why does the half-Asian, half-white protagonist make us so anxious?” This piece captured a lot of the messy, strange feelings I have as a half filipina / half white person.
“It had what you needed, and that’s all that mattered.” Clarissa A León writes about dark nights, memories, and night shifts for The Offing.
If you feel like falling in love with your best friend or living vicariously through book characters, read Love and Other Words by Christina Lauren.
The Risk of Blossoming by Paulina Pinsky for The Isolation Journals. For that uncomfortable feeling and reconnecting to your intuition:
I’m Writing . . . a short story about two rival bookstore owners who are forced to work together for their town’s first literary festival. I love an enemies to lovers story. I also attended my first session of a romance novel workshop last week and absolutely loved being in a zoom session with fourteen people who love all things romance.
I Made . . . Creamy Vegan Mushroom Wild Rice Soup from Jessica in the Kitchen! This soup is like a warm hug. It is so so good. I’m still recovering from some stomach issues, so I was very pleased that I could keep this soup down. Will be making it again for the rest of soup season.