Mood Ring is a newsletter on life, love, writing, and desserts written by me, an aspiring romance novelist. Great for tenderhearted souls, writers, steadfast readers, dessert lovers, and hopeless romantics.
This is the second installment of our October theme: “Nights.”
My reading hours have moved from early mornings to late nights. I imagine this should be the ideal time of day to fall into a story—nothing is pending aside from sleep, stars make the best company, and the night is often a quiet thing (I somehow tune out the freeway and train in the distance). Yet, the nighttime quiet opens a door wide, inviting other noise, turning up the dial on my mind’s volume. My thoughts trickle in while I read. They nestle between lines of dialogue, vivid imagery, and puns. Before I know it, I’m consumed with thinking more than I am enjoying the story in front of me. Trapped in my own comparisons. And other doubts. Night is great at revealing my hang-ups. I wish I came up with that first. Will I ever write something beautiful? I’m not that funny. Why are my ideas so unoriginal? How do they make this seem so easy? What if everything I make is just…bad? I wish I could remember to tell myself that these doubts are normal, but I’m not sure if that reassurance would make them feel less consuming. I set down my book when they become too distracting. Then I sleep. Today I almost forgot that my library loan was due back. I turned the book in having read 50% of it, and having read (and re-read) 100% of my internal script titled: “Perhaps Writing Isn’t Your Thing.”
This isn’t working for me. I think it’s time to admit I’ve got a case of writer’s envy mixed with unhelpful writerly jealousy, and I’m ignoring one of the most common rules—don’t compare yourself to others. My internal script is in need of edits.
And when I’m saying the wrong things to myself, I don’t have to go far for a different perspective.
On writerly jealousy, Marsha McSpadden writes, “Maybe we have an image of where we expected to be in our writerly lives that doesn’t match up to reality. And that creates some stress. Some loneliness. What can we do then? Keep showing up, I suppose, with our eyes wide, with faith that one day soon the flowers will fall for us too.”
In a recent letter, “Done is Better Than Perfect,” Jami Attenberg writes, “A perfection in completeness. It’s not that I don’t think we should strive for greatness — I always shoot for the stars. But I think finishing things is crucially important. And I don’t believe that anything can ever be perfect. I have never written a “perfect” book in my life, and it is a fool’s errand to try.”
And an old favorite from Anne Lamott, “Don't look at your feet to see if you are doing it right. Just dance.”
Sometimes I wonder if I’ve forgotten how to enjoy things. It seems to me that I need to get reacquainted with dancing, just dancing. Writing, just writing. Reading, just reading.
With love,
Alyssa
Thank you for reading!
I send a Mood Ring letter out every Tuesday. Please forward it along to anyone you think would enjoy it. And if you’d like to check in with me: alysrochwrites@gmail.com.
Mood Reads
The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston is a great romance read for October if you’re in the mood for ghosts and romance. This is a ghostly, emotional, funny, and lovely story.
If you’re in the mood for a micro read, I recommend “alternative forms of time-keeping” by Angie Kang.
I can’t remember if I’ve made this fantasy rec before, but here I go, if you’re looking for a new fantasy series, consider starting Robin Hobb’s Assassin’s Apprentice. I fell in love with the writing and while the story is a slow burn, you come to know the world deeply. Hobb writes great, complicated, and interesting characters.